Parents between longing for happiness and everyday stress – a navigation aid for fathers and mothers in dealing with their children!
Yes, the dream of eternally young love is always in demand. Even economic crises do not let the butterflies in the bellies of lovers get into depression. They cavort light-heartedly – away from political crises and financial ebb tide – and drive additional shifts while producing their well known tingling sensation. So even the darkest Euro-perspectives can hardly cloud the happiness of true lovers.
Societal crises almost increase the longing for an intact or even intact world. For if our savings no longer generate interest and the workplace is also insecure, then at least happy relationships should be a refuge of security and security, a refuge for our longings and hopes. In this way, lively and stable partnerships create a solid basis for being able to bear or endure financial impairments, professional setbacks, insidious illnesses or other strokes of fate more confidently.
Reliability and trust as prerequisites for relationship happiness
If you – perhaps as a child or teenager – had the opportunity to listen to reports from grandparents or other contemporary witnesses from the war or post-war generation, then such connections become tangible. A 90-year-old woman told me: “If our faith in our conjugal faithfulness had not been so great, if we had not lived in the confidence of our deep love, from where should we have taken the strength not to give up hope for a better future even after the second bombing in a completely destroyed Cologne and 10 years of separation caused by war?
It can be assumed that many people have experienced this in a similar way. Against this background, the so-called economic miracle is actually a major demonstration of life experience when viewed in a very sober way: ‘Strength grows from hope for better times, and stable communities are the breeding ground for strong and satisfied partnerships, which thus offer the greatest prospect of the aspired life success’.
In ‘Sunday speeches’ it is often emphasized that “partnership and family” are the highest good of the German. Opinion pollsters are also continually confirming this assessment. If this is the case, the high divorce figures and the many relationship breaks of unmarried couples can only be an unintentional or at best negligently caused disaster.
Probably it is also due to the fact that too many men and women start their relationship life with quite naïve ideas or inadequate preconditions. Lack of practice in successful communication, insufficient knowledge of important prerequisites for a balanced couple and family life, too weak a giving and hearing I lead such relationships to failure.
A look into the personal environment reveals: More and more couples, who have started their life together with hopeful expectations, get too quickly into considerable turbulences. Often the only way out is seen in a separation. This often happens according to the maxim: ‘First hotly desired, then coldly dumped’! However, in almost half of all divorces or separations not only the partners themselves but also their children are affected if what once belonged together is separated.
If the couples were to understand beforehand that the termination of a relationship often marks the beginning of years of legal disputes, humiliations, financial burdens and considerable psychosomatic long-term impairments, many would certainly act differently.
“We have not managed to keep our marriage alive. As parents, our engine usually ran at full speed and we functioned splendidly, but as a couple we paid too little attention to breaks of togetherness and lost sight of many a necessary pit stop or oil change. I can see that quite clearly today, but it took a long time until I realized that,” said a woman in her late thirties after the relationship crash in a counselling interview. And she adds: “I don’t blame my ex-husband for this, we lost ourselves in the bustle of everyday life and noticed it far too late.
On the basis of my many years of experience in couple counselling, I come to the conclusion that almost 80% of couples who break up could have avoided this with better conditions and more regular self-control. It is more than naive to run away in crises or to dive into the arms of a new person as quickly as possible and not to work through the reasons for the failure. It is always fascinating when a small child closes his eyes standing in the middle of a room and asks: ‘Where am I?’ But who does it help if adults close their eyes to self-inflicted realities after years of standing?
No matter where a need for improvement becomes apparent in the respective partnerships, couples ignore these connections and do not regularly create small or large out-times in order to share life with each other in intensity emotionally, mentally and physically, this will lead to division in the long run. Because the energy strength of a couple or a family depends not only on a healthy and beneficial lifestyle and fulfilling challenging tasks, but also on systematic and careful care. This realization is an ultimate message, because breaking partnerships is not a law of nature!